And Why I Now Sleep Alone, Happily
A few years ago, I was working with a client who very matter-of-factly stated that she and her husband had separate bedrooms. She said it with no shame, no apology, just truth. At the time, I remember being quietly stunned. I hadn’t yet reached the season of life in which sleep becomes sacred, when sovereignty becomes a spiritual practice, and when a room of one’s own feels like a portal back to one’s true self.
A cozy reading space with a wingback from Hickory Chair for our client who is an avid reader.
Back then, I still believed that sleeping separately from my husband would signal something was wrong. But as it turns out, it can mean quite the opposite.
What I now know — what I feel — is that space can be an act of love. Space can be an invitation to miss one another. To breathe. To remember who we are outside of the roles we’ve been playing for decades.
After menopause, and with our children grown and gone, I’ve found myself in the midst of something unexpected: a renaissance. A reclamation. A remembering of the woman I was before I became a wife, mother, business owner.
The woman who danced on bars. Who threw pottery. Who planned elaborate dinner parties for no specific reason. Where did she go?
His and hers storage featuring client’s own kimono chest for her, and a Made Goods dresser for him.
Somewhere along the way, I became consumed with caring for others, and with believing that marriage meant constantly tending. And while there’s beauty in devotion, there’s also a quiet danger in the sameness that creeps in… the kind that dulls the senses, not like a poison, but more like a fog that settles in, soft and sleepy, making it hard to find your way home to yourself.
Then one day, in therapy, clarity struck like lightning: I needed space. Stat.
I wanted to sleep like a starfish in the middle of our bed. To be unbothered. To wake up when my body wanted. To not be responsible for one more person, just for a little while.
I needed my own room.
Locally made custom bookcase with leather drawers, and drapery fabric from Kerry Joyce.
To my surprise, my husband Scott agreed. We had become so enmeshed, so tethered, that we had forgotten how to be curious about one another. That first night apart felt like breathing again. Now, I adore the mystery. I love wondering what he’s dreaming about, missing him a little, and waking up to myself.
This decision, though deeply personal, is also becoming more common. I want to be clear: I’m not suggesting this is what our clients chose.
Their “His and Hers” bedrooms may simply reflect different sleep schedules, the desire for uninterrupted REM, or a preference for personal sanctuary. It’s not my place to guess their “why.” But I will say, I’ve seen an undeniable trend: after the kids leave the house, more and more couples are carving out spaces for themselves as individuals.
And I love that. I support that.
His office features a custom round desk at center stage, and a cozy reading chair in its corner from a local upholsterer.
So when the opportunity came to design and photograph this pair of deeply personal, beautifully distinct bedrooms, we were thrilled.
We first met these clients over a decade ago and have worked on various parts of their home through the years. Their collection of Asian antiques, their appreciation for jewel tones, and their respect for artistry and provenance made us a great match.
His bedroom: masculine and moody with Holland & Sherry wallpaper and lamps from Visual Comfort.
His room leans more masculine, anchored by a moody, structured wallpaper that reminded our photographer, Mo Saito, of the iconic Hotel Okura in Japan. As it turned out, both he and our client were familiar with the hotel, and agreed the Holland & Sherry ginkgo leaf pattern featured on the bedroom’s anchor wall echoed the indigenous Japanese patterns throughout the hotel. Click here to learn more about the Hotel Okura and these patterns.
We designed his custom bed low enough to accommodate his beloved nightstands, complete with brass corners added for warmth and finish.
Her bedroom, featuring Cowtan & Tout wallcovering, and a custom bed made with the client’s own original Chinese windows.
Her room feels airier, a little more refined. Her custom bed was designed using vintage Chinese windows featuring bats, symbols of love and good fortune. The wallpaper here carries a different energy: delicate, pattern-rich, and intuitive, much like her.
Together, these spaces feel both personal and harmonious. Distinct, yet connected. Not unlike a good partnership.
We brought her bathroom new life with tile from Ann Sacks and a custom vanity finished in Benjamin Moore’s Jade Romanesque.
So if you’re considering the idea of “His and Hers” bedrooms, whether for design, sleep, sanity, or soul, we’re here for it. We’d be honored to help you create spaces that support rest, beauty, and your evolving self.
Because in this season of life, we all deserve a room of our own.
For those of you who are thinking about a remodeling project or if you are ready to upgrade your furnishings, we would love to talk with you! Click here to submit a new client inquiry if you are ready for us.
Written by Laura Martin Bovard. Photos by Mo Saito.
